Her Tale of Soaring Math Grades

My Childhood

My parents divorced when I was four. My younger sister and I lived with our mother since. My mother was a clueless parent. There was no discipline nor routine to speak of. We led an unruly life.

When I was twelve, mother had a boyfriend who lived with us. The man touched me. I went to my mother but she downplayed the seriousness of the incidents and asked me not to tell anyone. I felt wronged. When night came the man would steal into my bed after I dozed off. Alarmed, I questioned him. “I saw mice on your bed,” was one of his many fabricated excuses.

Desperate, I threatened to kill myself. At her wit’s end, my mother took me to a social worker. She told the social worker that the boyfriend no longer stayed with us, which was a lie. Since then, we did not hear from the social worker.

We were a single-parent household and depended on social welfare. When I was sixteen, I had a huge argument with my mother. She lavished our welfare on her unemployed boyfriend. I felt robbed. I took my sister with me and we left for my aunt.

Life at HCG

Among the relatives, no one believed except my aunt. The rest thought I exaggerated. I insisted on having my mother choose between her boyfriend and I but she gave an ambiguous answer. I gave up. I had been a good daughter to her but she did not deserve it. I did not want to go back to my mother and so I told my aunt about what the man did to me. Aunt took me to a social worker and arrangements were made for my sister and I to live with HCG.

In the past, no one ever cared about my sister and I. Life at HCG came with numerous restrictions concerning every aspect of daily life. Everything was new to me and I found the place constraining. Things took an unexpected turn when my sister did not adjust and moved to a different facility. A reserved person to begin with, slowly I became cold and removed.

Life at HCG wasn’t easy but I found people who cared. Once a week before heading off to work, my aunt made soup and delivered it to me. What’s more, the social workers and house staff were genuinely concerned and they always approached me first. For once I felt understood and accepted.

Turning Over a New Leaf

“Haven’t you always wanted the warmth of a home? Do you want to turn over a new leaf?” Thoughts ran through my head. In many ways HCG was no different than a home. Here I could learn what a home was supposed to be like.

I was a student at Yi Jin and my math grades was poor; F for “Fail” or U for “Unsatisfactory”. Worries that I would not have a career hit me hard. I made a promise to myself that I would accept HCG and lead a disciplined life. Two miraculous things happened. First, I saw great improvement in my focus span and overall health. My grades too, soared from F/U to A. I graduated from Yi Jin and later obtained my higher diploma.

I used to think of myself as the victim. Like many, I felt helpless because life had been unfair. On top of that, because of my family’s disbelief I was ostracized. I could not trust anyone.

At HGC, every girl had a story and there would always be someone willing to listen. Through sharing my story, I learned that I did not need be of ashamed my past for I did nothing wrong. I listened to my mother and kept it a secret because I was young, and my limited understanding told me to obey like a good child would. Furthermore, I wanted to protect my mother from being perceived as a bad parent. I threatened to kill myself only because I knew of no other ways to seek help, and I ran away because home was not a safe place. I did everything I could.

HCG was a place filled with positive energy. Social workers and house staff were caring and attentive. When I preferred to be left alone, they gave me space. They always did little things for me and not once did I feel left out. For the first time, I experienced love.

Transformed by Love

My understanding of love was limited to the sexual exchange between a man and a woman. When I arrived at HCG though, I discovered a love that was unconditional. There were times when I or one of us girls refused help. The social workers and house staff never once gave up on us. I was puzzled. We were not related after all. Who would do that for a stranger?

With the love I was showered in came my transformation. I learned to accept love and reciprocate and most important of all, to love and cherish myself. In order to love others and to become the person she wanted to be, one must first love herself.

Live for Today, Hope for Tomorrow

Looking back, I am grateful toward HCG. Now beside my aunt, the wonderful people of HCG will always be there for me.

I’ve been taught how to protect myself from negativity. Though I still find it difficult to accept my mother, I can be honest with my feelings. My relationship with my sister has not been easy either; sometimes my good intentions are taken the wrong way. HCG taught me patience. I love my sister always and hope she will understand someday.

I have high expectation on myself and often stress over my own mistakes. I noticed though, I am understanding and forgiving toward others but I have not been as kind to myself.

I’ve left school and joined the workforce. I am attending night school to study English. I have a shift job and the hours are long, but I am committed to studying English for 45 minutes a day. I am working toward the career of my dream and I will stay strong no matter what tomorrow brings.